101 Least Effective Pickup Lines


  1. Is that a Tic-Tac in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
  2. Did anyone ever tell you that you look kinda like the Zima guy?
  3. Could you zip my fly? My hands are wet.
  4. What's a nice body like you doing with a face like this?
  5. Paper or plastic?
  6. Did you fart?
  7. So, you want to get pregnant?
  8. Weren't you on America's Most Wanted last night?
  9. Wanna see the scar from when I got shanked in the pen?
  10. Didn't I see you at the premiere of Ishtar ?
  11. Here's your SSI check.
  12. Excuse me, you're sitting on my SSI check.
  13. Pull my finger.
  14. Want some candy, little girl?
  15. I have a metal plate in my head... feel!
  16. It's tool time!
  17. Could I interest you in a copy of Watchtower ?
  18. Would you like fries with that ?
  19. Mind if I breastfeed?
  20. Are those real?
  21. Do these look real?
  22. Good news, the test results are negative!
  23. Excuse me... do you speak Klingon?
  24. Let's go to my house and try out my new beer bong.
  25. I haven't had sex since the Bush administration.
  26. Honk! Honk!
  27. Can I buy you a Whopper Jr. or something?
  28. I have eight cats.
  29. Well, I lost the bet.
  30. You're not one of those FAL guys, are you?
  31. Haven't I boinked you somewhere before?
  32. If you scream I'll kill you!
  33. I think I'm gonna be sick.
  34. Hi. I'm a Mormon.
  35. Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
  36. You know, my infection has cleared up.
  37. I wouldn't have had the nerve to talk to you, before I went "clear"! Would you like to take a free personality test?
  38. Wanna wrestle?
  39. Do you like DEVO?
  40. Wanna help unfold my futon?
  41. I got spurs that jingle jangle jingle!
  42. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a man?
  43. Weren't you in the holiday issue of Screw?
  44. Wanna go to Incredible Universe?
  45. I left the car running, let's go get corked!
  46. Do you know the way to San Jose?
  47. Lambada!
  48. Could you help me potty?
  49. Have you heard of "The LOOP"?
  50. Is that wedding ring real?
  51. Do you need show ID to buy non-alcoholic beer?
  52. I'm in the Libertarian party.
  53. Bleah. You ever hear of "deodorant"?
  54. Hi, I'm Bob Saget.
  55. Fire!
  56. I'd like to staple raw bacon all over your body.
  57. I have three months to live.
  58. Let's have dinner on my Garfield plates.
  59. Yup, your search is finally over.
  60. We could spoon at my place...my mom's out for the night.
  61. I was a breech birth.
  62. Wanna piece of this?
  63. You, me and a tub full of flan...
  64. Honk! If you're horny.
  65. I'm wearing a condom right now.
  66. Do you have any cortisone at your house...?
  67. Wanna see my gun collection?
  68. I haven't had sex since the Carter administration.
  69. Hey, you sweet hunk of stuff, what's shakin'?
  70. Let's go back to my house and watch blooper tapes!
  71. I am the prophet, and those peanuts are of satan.
  72. Let's get ready to rumble!
  73. I can eat my weight in weiners!
  74. Your trailer or mine?
  75. I am the Keymaster. Are you the Gatekeeper?
  76. Don't forget the Beano!
  77. Oops. I think my truss is riding up.
  78. I can see the music!
  79. Hey, babe - ever done it in the Oval Office?
  80. You look like you need to be moistened.
  81. Wanna sign my yearbook?
  82. You can reach me online - here's my E-mail address...
  83. Cooties!
  84. I've got real bad cramps.
  85. Are you beautiful... or am I just really high?
  86. Who's your Pimp?
  87. You gotta see my comic book collection.
  88. My purse is made from human skin.
  89. Your little sister is really beautiful.
  90. Your older brother is such a hunk!
  91. Boner-city!
  92. Polly wanna cracker?
  93. Going to your place may violate my probation.
  94. I just read this funny article about the 101 least effective pick up lines.
  95. Is that... mayo on your chin?
  96. What are you?
  97. I need to marry someone tonight so I can stay in the country.
  98. My 'roids are flaring up again.
  99. Your handshake makes me feel all icky.
  100. I haven't had sex since the Taft administration.
  101. Mommy...?

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