101 Least Lucky St. Patrick's Day Toasts

  1. When the booze is inside, the pain goes elsewhere.
  2. Here's peat in your eye!
  3. May the love of your heart leave without returning.
  4. Kick the little people in the arse!
  5. Have a magically delicious evening!
  6. Wine lets out the truth, but it washes off with a little club soda.
  7. A good run is better than a painful rectum.
  8. More Guinness, less air!
  9. May the cat suck your Shamrock shake.
  10. Don't bother with the beggar's son, he's probably gay.
  11. If God wanted us to take baths, He wouldn't have made us Irish.
  12. Before we empty our glasses, let me read you this funny list of 101 St. Pat's toasts...
  13. Snakes, snakes everywhere!
  14. A windy day is not the day for pissing.
  15. A man lives long in his native place - as long as it's not Ireland.
  16. I'd rather fight than switch!
  17. Stay away from Galway Bay!
  18. Pull me other finger!
  19. It is not a secret if it is known by Irish people.
  20. An early riser angers me to no end.
  21. A light heart lives long, but your liver will give out long before then.
  22. Call 911!
  23. You must live with a person to really hate a person.
  24. May God and Mary preserve you in Tupperware.
  25. Erin go braless!
  26. When the cat is away, the mice will get smashed.
  27. Here's to the darling Catherine O'Hara!
  28. Manly, yes - but I like it too!
  29. Better the warmth of a sheep than the coldness of a wife.
  30. Flan for everybody!
  31. Alkie-Celt-er plus!
  32. The devil invented scotch whiskey so that the Irish may propagate.
  33. The person of the fanciest talk is probably gay.
  34. A narrow neck on the bottle keeps you from throwing up in it.
  35. I'll kill any man who kisses my wife, especially myself!
  36. May my wife beat me about the head and shoulders when I get home.
  37. Kiss my Derry air!
  38. Go green, and wipe yourself good!
  39. The slums of Belfast are calling!
  40. A prosperous and pleasant Christmas and new year!
  41. Hey, hey, IRA!
  42. May you never cross paths with a man from FAL!
  43. Toss it down the right orifice, laddie!
  44. May you be upwind of that ould lass from Boriskane who stuffs the sausages.
  45. Spuds forever!
  46. May a lassie at Cahermee Fair find your slurred speech amusing.
  47. Never piss in a pot o' gold!
  48. Me too, U2!
  49. May you fall on something with few corners.
  50. To your real Da, wherever he may be!
  51. Cabbage farts now - avoid the rush!
  52. Don't toss your guts in the confessional!
  53. May the Force be with you!
  54. Seventeen jiggers or bust!
  55. To the homeland, even if it smells like shite!
  56. Bloodshot eyes are smiling!
  57. Not everyone can be born a Brit!
  58. It is better to be drunk in bad company than at home with loved ones.
  59. Gaelic keeps the vampires away!
  60. I'd rather be Irish than sober!
  61. May the Lord of the Dance be availible at the Blockbuster near South Donegal!
  62. Don't spit on my brother's enlarged liver!
  63. Get me soused like a wee bairn!
  64. Hey, we do beer every year - tonight, sparkling cider for everyone!
  65. Drink up, and water the filth!
  66. Flip off those fancy lads across the water!
  67. May you defuse the car bomb in the nick of time!
  68. If the head cannot bear the glory of the crown, better get your teeth knocked out.
  69. Give the priest his own side of the road, he's probably fancy.
  70. Let's slur our guttural consonants until they're incomprehensible!
  71. Are we not lads?!
  72. Scabies!
  73. I prefer stuffing over potatoes.
  74. Stick a County Cork in it!
  75. There's a wake goin' on somewhere!
  76. That's not a shaleilleigh in me pocket - I'm happy to see you!
  77. Feel the magic, hear the roar, Thundercats are loose!
  78. Irish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner!
  79. To the poor sods who haven't coupled since the Coronation!
  80. Hey, hey, at least we're not French!
  81. May I see you grey and beating your grandchildren with a wooden spoon.
  82. Morning is the time to pity the sober. Those bastards must face my wrath!
  83. Close cover before striking!
  84. They all look bonny to the well-lubricated man.
  85. If you're Saxon and you know it, clap your hands!
  86. Bigtime thanks to O'Douls for providing the beer! Would you believe it's non-alcoholic?
  87. May misfortune cookies follow you the rest of your life, but may you never learn to read them.
  88. Marry a homely girl and you marry the whole home.
  89. May your life, your love, your wine and your jokes be cheap.
  90. To your friendships, may they outgrow your tumors!
  91. Here's hoping the Devil makes haggis out of your enemies' enemies' enemies' entrails.
  92. Brrra'naig 'uh na' bleht c'lslaugh 'ain Paidrrrag!
  93. Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening, And Live today day as if it were your last, 'cause I'll kill you if you don't stop singing and dancing!
  94. To Jesus Christ, the king of beers!
  95. May the Irish hills caress you and cop a feel when no one is looking.
  96. The reason the Irish are always fighting each other Is they are so very drunk.
  97. May the floor rise up to meet you!
  98. How lucky can we be if we're Irish!
  99. I complained that I had no shoes...Until I met a man who had really ugly shoes.
  100. A prayer that all the poor leprechauns be employed by George Lucas!
  101. A man that can't say an unkind word, should meet an Irishman.

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