At The Movies With FALnet

Future War

Director: Anthony Doublin
Starring: Daniel Bernhardt, Travis Brooks Stewart, Robert Z'Dar...
IMDB link

1 Walker, Texas Ranger1 Walker, Texas Ranger

by Tom Working

Plot outline: Daniel Bernhardt, the poor man's Jean-Claude Van Damme, plays a runaway slave named Runaway (to avoid confusion) from the far-flung future that escapes to present day 1997. Together with his new friend Sister Ann (a hooker turned nun... to avoid confusion), Runaway outruns cyborg hunters, their evil dinosaur trackers and confrontations with Los Angeles law enforcement that ultimately end in apology.

I have no clue why I rented this amazingly bad piece of crap. But it was fun in its crapiness. Strangely, more fun than any of Uwe Boll's toilet bollfests. No amount of words can describe the crapiness of this movie. I knew I was in for a rollercoaster ride when the first fight scene involved Runaway being pursued by a curly-haired and mulleted cyborg through a seemingly unending maze of cyborg-stopping empty cardboard boxes.

Come for the hooker turned nun, but stay for the mulleted cyborg hunters and their evil dinosaur trackers.

copyright 2008