1. Is it okay to cry?
Of course not.
I'm crying right now.

2. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Trees don't answer stupid questions.
Shoe tree.

3. Do you think circus clowns are funny?
I'm not sure, but the Jack in the Box clown has a slight lisp.
It's not a lisp, it's a speech impediment.

4. Can you read?
Yes, with some difficulty.
No, I checked this square on a guess.

5. Do people mention your name and the term "bad seed" in the same sentence?
Yes, often.
Yes, all the time.

6. How would you remove chewing gum from shag carpeting?
Wrap an ice cube in a clean cloth or paper towel and hold it on until the gum is frozen hard and can be lifted off.
I don't know.

7. Do you waste a lot of time taking personality tests?
Yes.
Yes.

8. Have you ever been brainwashed?
Yes.
Yes.

9. Do you prefer stuffing or potatoes?
Potatoes.
Potatoes.

10. Do you read FAL Brand Funny Pages?
Yes, as if my life depended on it.
Yes - in fact, I've got several copies shoved down my pants right now.

11. How many friends do you shame for not reading FAL Brand Funny Pages?
More than 10.
More than ten.

12. Do you believe there is a secret organization called The 'LOOP' that is making your life hell on earth?
Yes.
Shut up! They may be watching us!

13. How long have you been planning to assassinate Bob Saget?
Ever since Full House.
Ever since America's Funniest Home Videos.

14. If someone told you to stop reading FAL Brand Funny Pages, what would you do?
Hurt them.
Move to a new town.

15. How would you remove a urine stain from shag carpeting?
Blot up as much of the liquid as possible. With a sponge, apply a mixture of 1 tablespoon mild detergent and 1 tablespoon vinegar in 1 quart of water. Brush pile when dry.
I don't know.

16. Do you ever experience deja vu?
Never.
Never.

17. Do you read FAL Brand Funny Pages?
Yes, as if my life depended on it.
Yes - in fact, I've got several copies shoved down my pants right now.

18. How many friends do you shame for not reading FAL Brand Funny Pages?
More than 10.
More than ten.

19. Do you believe there is a secret organization called The 'LOOP' that is making your life hell on earth?
Yes.
Shut up! They may be watching us!

20. If someone told you to stop reading FAL Brand Funny Pages, what would you do?
Hurt them.
Move to a new town.

21. Do you ever experience deja vu?
Now that I think about it, I have.
Yes. Just now.

22. How many friends and family members do you force to read FAL Brand Funny Pages each day?
More than 25,000.
More than twenty-five thousand.

23. Describe FAL Brand Funny Pages in fifty words or less.
Crispity.
Crunchity.

24. Do you realize the last pencil you used was in someone's ear?
Yuck.
Crunchity.

25. How would you remove vomit from shag carpeting?
Blot up as much as possible. Apply a capful of dry cleaning fluid and the detergent/vinegar mixture and blot with sponge, working from edge to center of stain. Brush pile when dry.
I don't know.

26. When you read the words   waffle cone   - what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
Happy Paper.
FAL Brand Funny Pages.

27. Do you have a good personality?
Yes.
No.