From FAL Brand Funny Pages
1996
- I should have said something earlier... but I really, really need his kidney.
- Down in front!
- Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon.
- Better him than me.
- Pick it up - I've got Jazzercise at four.
- Whoa. I didn't know we were supposed to dress up.
- Hey, let's order a pizza!
- These pants sure do ride up...
- You look like you've seen a ghost.
- Boy, you wouldn't believe the day I'm having.
- Do you validate?
- Where's the buffet line?
- Did he pay you to come, too?
- Aw, shut up, Padre!
- Who's the dead guy?
- Pull my finger.
- I just wet myself.
- He was impotent, you know.
- Well, the fact remains he bounced a check to my firm.
- Is that my beeper - or is he still wearing his?
- Yahtzee!
- I want a second opinion.
- See, kids? This is what God does to the bad ones.
- How much for the long black coffee table?
- Can I put my drink here?
- Get up, Jimmy! It's not funny anymore!
- Would you mind if I squeezed his pimple?
- Eeewwww! What cheap flowers!
- Who wants Trident?
- Is the karoake after this part?
- If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
- And to think I postponed vacuuming my car for this.
- He won't be needing that tie anymore, will he?
- Got any smack?
- He looks so peaceful... you'd never know he's burning in Hell right now.
- Did you know his legs aren't really in there?
- I could go for some flan right about now.
- This is duller than Incredible Universe, but you don't have to walk as much.
- I'm not getting any aura off him at all.
- Does anyone have dibs on his parking space?
- Lookit all that nose hair! Gross!
- First time in years I've seen him with his hair combed.
- That's the jacket he wore to his Junior Prom!
- I think you should know... I'm carrying his seed.
- Anybody home?
- Stand back - I know CPR!
- Which way to the Dunk Tank?
- He moved! I saw!
- Made you look!
- He never liked you.
- Good riddance! More Spaghettios for me.
- You call this "mourning"? Where's your enthusiasm?
- He looks all spongy.
- Donkey basketball, anyone?
- You're probably wondering why I called you all here tonight.
- He always wanted to be buried in taffeta.
- Excuse me, you're sitting on my hacky sack.
- Well, there's one less Canadian they'll have to kick around.
- Pass the pork rinds, Ma.
- Crushed velvet makes me so hot!
- Put the Ouija board on top of the coffin, and let's get crackin'!
- He's wearing "Vernal Noon" from Mary Kay. I'll be taking orders after the internment.
- Hey - let's take the funeral procession through the Taco Bell drive-thru!
- By the power of Greyskull...
- Did you drop this gum?
- That veil brings out the tiger in me... g-r-r-r-r-r-r.
- I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight...
- Stall long enough, and you never have to return their tools.
- He's dead, Jim!
- Finally, I can get a picture of him with his mouth shut. Say "cheese".
- The ground here gets so cold in the winter... here, put this parka on him.
- Did you see that hysterical article about the 101 least appropriate things to say at a funeral?
- Don't worry, be happy!
- This is a direct result of their cancelling "VR.5".
- Thank heavens - no more homemade turkey jerky!
- Oh my gosh - you mean this isn't the Scientology seminar?
- It's about time he quit smoking.
- Paper or plastic?
- Three more minutes, and the pizza's free!
- Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.
- Is that your real hair?
- What's that... smell?
- Isn't that MacCaulay Culkin?
- Code Blue! Stat!
- The LOOP killed him, you know. Oliver Stone is pitching the treatment to Touchstone.
- Happy trails to you, until we meet again...
- At least the value of all that FAL stuff will go through the roof.
- Hi, I'm John Tesh.
- Ch-ch-ch-chia!
- Rayon killed this man.
- What a quitter.
- Somehow, this all reminds me of sizzling bacon.
- Did anybody check his pockets for coupons?
- He was a credit to his race.
- I can't stand lying anymore... I was his lover!
- He kinda looks like the MTV sports guy.
- You mean Dan Cortez?
- Check, please.
- Can I have that Kleenex when you're really done with it?
- Another three years, and I would've won the pool.
- Stick a fork in him - he's done.
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